When new celebrities edge their way into the limelight, it becomes pretty easy for us to distinguish those who can handle the pressures of fame and those who cannot. It’s actually quite tragic when you become emotionally invested in a superstar, watching in awe as they shoot their way to the top, only to find that when they finally make it they struggle to hold on. The cars, the money, the parties; it all starts spiralling out of control, and there’s absolutely nothing us peasants can do other than watch from afar.
I do give the child superstars some credit though, being thrust into the limelight at such a young age without knowing much else can’t have been easy. Sometimes, after a celebrity hiatus, the star will make an epic comeback. Sometimes it’s warranted, sometimes it’s not. I’ve grown tired of celebs who just don’t know when to call it a day. It’s like every time their bills need paying or they run out of money, they return out of nowhere with some lame act that nobody cares about anymore. It’s cringeworthy and not to mention tragic. They should just spare themselves the shame and claim bankruptcy and go into early retirement.
Don’t get me wrong, some celebs are definitely worthy of a comeback, but I can think of more than a few that make me want to shake my head in disapproval. Stop embarrassing yourself, hang your coat up, close the door, and move on.
15. Kylie Minogue
Kylie Minogue is just one of those celebs who never really seems to go away. Don’t get me wrong, she has had a great career considering where she started and hats off to her for she knows what a proper graft is. After beating cancer, and still looking that good at her age, she is most women’s superhero. However, I can’t help but feel it was her time to hang her cloak up a long time ago. Like, seriously, what is she actually doing now? Why is she always lurking in the backgrounds of C-list celebrity life? Surely, she has enough money to give it a rest, put up her feet and truly enjoy the rest of the time she has on this earth. Whenever I see her on a cheesy TV show or performing her latest hit I can’t help but think to myself ‘why are you doing it, Kylie?’. Yes, she looks good, but she’s very clearly past her hay day. I recently saw an article about her in the paper talking about her split from her fiancé saying, “it wasn’t meant to be.” I don’t mean to be nasty, but seriously who really cares about Kylie’s love life? Not me. I’ve lost count of a number of boyfriends and husbands this woman has had.
14. Nicole Richie
Ahhhh, Nicole Richie. Where do we even begin? She is one of those celebs we all secretly love to hate. She’s one of those lucky celebs that has had it all with seemingly no talent and nothing to give. She and Paris Hilton shot to fame in the early aughts with their TV show The Simple Life, and it was exactly that for them: simple. Because of their background, they both had a lot of money and lived the life of Riley, going to all the right parties, buying all the right clothes and keeping up an appearance. However, things took a turn for the worse for Nicole as she developed bad habits and she began struggling with the high-life lifestyle. We’ve got to hand it to Richie, she has fought for her comeback and is doing well in the fashion industry; however, we can’t help but feel like she’s a little bit like a spoilt child who is used to always getting her own way. We could be wrong, of course. However, she didn’t have much talent, to begin with and I can think of a few celebs more worthy of an epic comeback than her.
13. Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart *shakes head*, where do we start? The successful businesswoman had it all in 1999. She owned a multi-billion dollar cooking, gardening, and entertaining company. But by the time the early 2000’s came around things came crashing down for her. She was found guilty of conspiracy, obstruction of justice, and lying to federal investigators. She definitely wasn’t as innocent as she looked. She served a measly five months in prison for her crimes and 6 months under house arrest. Hardly justice for what she did. Just goes to show money can buy you freedom; it’s one rule for one person and another rule for someone else. If she was a normal citizen, she would have likely been sentenced to 20+ years. Annoyingly, it didn’t take long for her comeback to happen. In 2005, she launched her career again. She launched a talk show called “The Martha Stewart Show” and her career has gone from strength to strength with a homeware line for Macy’s, along with countless books, and even a guest role on “Law and Order”.
12. Alec Baldwin
I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh my goodness, I love his acting, why is he on the list?’. There’s no doubt that Alec Baldwin‘s career was off to a flyer. However, his reputation was doomed in 2007 when a voicemail for his estranged daughter went public. In it, we heard a different side to Alec all together and it’s safe to say it wasn’t a pleasant side. In it, called her a “rude, thoughtless little pig”. People who speak to their own flesh and blood in that way are not people I feel that deserve millions of pounds and an epic acting career. Maybe it was said in the heat of the moment, but for some reason I just can’t seem to let it go. There are too many fathers out there that are so self-absorbed that they don’t give their own families any attention. They just dismiss them like they didn’t even happen. When the voicemail emerged, he probably thought his career was over, and we hope it taught him a lesson. I like to think he apologized to his daughter and made amends, but I guess we never really will know. Baldwin worked to get his career back on track, and by 2008 and 2009 he was back winning awards and starring in a number of TV and film roles. In the photo above you can see a picture of him and his daughter poking fun at the infamous voicemail.
11. Chris Brown
This is the one that infuriates me the most. If you follow this guy on Instagram, it’s pretty easy to see how much of a tool this guy really is. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time when I was his biggest fan. Yes, he can sing, yes he can dance, but it still doesn’t change his clearly troubled and arrogant personality. Anyone who can do this to a woman does not deserve the career that he has. There are some crimes that just can’t be forgiven. It’s not like he gave her a slap on the cheek (not that that would have been any more acceptable), he clearly laid into her pretty hard. When the scandal first came out, we were all ready to bury Chris Brown‘s career in the past. None of us wanted to listen to his songs or watch his music videos; it was looking bleak for him. But it just goes to show how quickly people choose to forget things in the fast-paced world of celebrities. It didn’t take long for the arrogant pig to reclaim his fame. Although he never quite returned to the level he was at before the domestic violence, he still makes way more money than he should. The reports of his violent attitude continue to emerge even today. The guy is a lost cause who never seems to learn. So he can continue playing D-list clubs, like any of us really care anymore.
10. Garry Barlow
I swear to god, Garry Barlow has GOT to be a vampire. Why is he still knocking around? He’s been around for decades and, unlike the members of his former band Take That, he refuses to slip into the has-been bracket. He escapes it with a few millimeters to spare every time, but just when you think he’s called it a day, he appears on a cheesy TV show or throws out a cheesy single for all the oldies to play on repeat 400 times a day. Yes, we get it, he’s a good looker for his age, but if you take a look at a timeline of his image, you start to wonder how many times a person can reinvent themselves. This guy has got to have more money than sense. If I were him, I would buy a nice house on the coast somewhere and live out the rest of my days knowing what an epic life I’d lived. Instead, he continues to make a comeback with cheesy hits and cringy one-liners on TV shows such as X-factor. Some oldies with a soft spot for Garry will argue that he is like a fine wine and that he just gets better with age, however, I can’t help but feel super uncomfortable when people like him start taking selfies like this and wearing leather jackets. Please, Garry, stop. Enough is enough.
9. Rob Lowe
In 1988, this man was involved in a naughty tape scandal with a TEENAGE GIRL, did we all just seem to forget that, or something? He was at the center of an allegation of harassment by a former nanny. However, like many unworthy celebs, he made a comeback as a viable TV star on The West Wing and was a regular on Parks & Rec. All you have to do is Google the scandal to see pictures of it. If you ask me, he should have received jail time for his actions, but nothing ever came of it and he only went from strength to strength. He probably regrets his actions, he probably hopes we all forgot about it. But we didn’t, Rob Lowe, and we are here to remind people that you did not deserve your comeback. Your career should have been buried in the dirt the moment the shocking news and pictures came out. Many women think this man is good-looking, and we’ll admit he’s not ugly, but I can’t help looking at him and feeling a little creeped out after learning about his actions. I bet after reading this when you see him appear on your TV you won’t be able to look at him in the same way.
8. Britney Spears
First off, let me just say I was one of Britney Spears‘ biggest fans back in her prime. Growing up she was my idol, I looked up to her for inspiration. I adored her, so you can imagine my heartbreak as I watched her slip away into the celeb has-beens. She had so much talent and potential before her meltdown, she was at the top of her game. Her records soared to the top of the charts at a time when social media wasn’t even a thing, and for that, she deserves a lot of credit. I am not in any way saying that her meltdown and subsequent hospitalization is something to laugh at or pass any malicious comment on. She rose to fame so quickly and at such a young it was just completely tragic, and we are totally happy that she made an epic recovery. However, her comeback was nothing short of cringe; she had enough money to make a life for herself without attempting to recreate her earlier image. It was like seeing your mom dressed up in skanky outfits, singing hits that just don’t quite suit her image. We all wanted her to do so well, but she never really did settle back into her position as queen of pop. I kind of wish she never bothered at all and tried to find a new calling.
7. Charlie Sheen
We would never wish a psychotic breakdown on anyone, but Charlie Sheen definitely knew how to play it up for the limelight. It didn’t help that during his breakdown he turned into a bitter all man. He burnt bridges with his costars and friends, firing them from the show and calling them names, such as trolls. I don’t care how many drugs you’ve taken, Charlie, treating people like you did during that time and your arrogance on camera really made me dislike you. It was just disrespectful and wrong. He did later apologize, saying he would like to mend his broken relationships. But whether that’s likely to happen we will never know. Once stars like Charlie make a full recovery, why do they always insist on thrusting themselves into the limelight again, can they really not just call it a day? We are all over you, Charlie, there is no need to remind us all that you’re still here. You’re much less funny now and none of us will be able to truly forget. None of us really knew where the breakdown came from, I mean he wasn’t exactly an A-list celeb to begin with, but apparently, it was due to lots of bottled-up anger.
6. Mariah Carey
God bless her, there was a time when all young men had an erotic poster of Mariah Carey pinned up somewhere in their bedrooms. In her prime, she had it all, the vocals, the body, the booty. However, as the years went by and the people who also stood beside her in her heyday slowly slipped away into the history books, Mariah Carey was adamant in sticking around. I think we all knew she should have given up a few years ago when she performed one of her worst performances in Times Square. It made headlines; it was truly that awful. Don’t get me wrong, we all know she had it in her one day, but like most things, they definitely have a sell-by date. She should have called it quits around 8 years ago, but nope she’s still out there doing her thing. Whenever I see her now I can’t help but think, “what was she thinking?” I think, I now understand the phrase: ‘lamb dressed as mutton’. She’s aged about 30 years but she still shows up in the same outfits she was sporting back then. Move with the times, Mariah, if you are going to keep up appearances, please adapt your style. There’s no need for the bodysuits at your age. Why not try something a bit more elegant, like a long black dress or something?
5. Mike Tyson
Isn’t it funny how as civilians, we all choose to idolize questionable people? Really though, why do we choose to do that? They’re not exactly the role models we want for our children, are they? Mike Tyson‘s infamous relationship with Evander Holyfield was turbulent, to say the least. He was convicted of assault, and even bit off her ear. Completely savage. What kind of human decides to bite off another person’s ear? That is something she has to live with forever now. He even went into bankruptcy. Unlike most people, I kind of hoped that was it for him. I definitely didn’t want to see or read about him anymore. However, he began recuperating his image when he starred in the film The Hangover, several documentaries, and he now has a new Animal Planet show chronicling his entry into competitive pigeon racing. Yes, seriously, it’s a thing. Let’s just say he is not the most worthy celeb of a comeback after the awful things he did, and emerging with a pigeon racy show, I mean, come on, is he for real? What a loser. The tattoo on his face makes me want to be sick. He may have a career again now, but I hope he spends the rest of his pitiful life alone.
4. Robbie Williams
Yes, my mom is going to kill me for this one. I don’t know what it is, but oldies love this guy. Yes, he was epic in his heyday, but seriously Robbie, we all know that you only make an appearance or bring out a new tour when you’re running low on money. It’s pitiful. I recently watched him at the Ariana Grande concert to support the victims of the Manchester bombing attack, and all he did was shout down the microphone and people went wild for it. I just can’t get my head around it. The man can clearly no longer sing. He sounds like he has smoked 300 cigarettes in the past hour. It actually gives me a headache listening to him, I had to turn the volume down. The same as Garry Barlow, they were great at one time, but their time has been and gone yet they both refuse to leave it alone. Their comeback makes me cringe every time. He looks super rough around the edges. It’s not our fault Robbie wasted all his money on drugs and booze and now that times are hard he decides it justifies bringing out a cruddy song (nowhere near as good his old stuff). If it wasn’t for the old die-hard fans, my guess is that Robbie would have faded into the celebrity has-beens lists a long time ago.
3. Michael Vick
There are a number of documentaries on Netflix that expose the corrupt nature that taints the world of sports. The industry is worth billions of pounds, so the stars are protected by this forcefield and the legal rules that apply to me and you don’t seem to apply to them. Many of them get away with all sorts of awful crimes, including assault. Michael Vick was found guilty of financing a dogfighting operation at Bad Newz Kennel in Virgina. How can somebody we idolize so much be responsible for such awful and violent crimes? Watching dogs tear each other apart is definitely not my idea of fun, and I would definitely not pay to see it. Some people are just clearly very sick in the head and it disgusts me that they are not punished properly. Since the scandal emerged, we all thought that would be it for the star; but nope, he worked his way back into the NFL, starting as the quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles and AP Comeback Play of the Year. Isn’t it funny how quickly money and fame can cover up and blind us from the truth? Do you still idolize this man? Is this someone who you want your kids to look up to in years to come? Didn’t think so.
2. Paul Reubens
This one is guaranteed to shock you. Did you know that this man you’ve probably loved up until this moment was arrested for masturbating in a movie theatre? Sicko. I could never really put my finger on it up until now but I always thought there was something a little odd about this man. I didn’t know if it was his face, his size, or his creepy voice, but now it all adds up. He isn’t exactly someone I would like my kids to be around. Reubens made his comeback when he appeared in the film Blow. He played a flamboyant hairdresser who sells weed and has reprised his Pee-Wee Herman character on Broadway. I wonder what was going through his head when he did what he did. Well, actually, I’d prefer not to think about it. What kind of sick human being does that in public, particularly someone with a promising future and acting career ahead of them? It just doesn’t make any sense at all. Perhaps he struggled to get any intimacy in his real life and felt like he had to take extreme measures. I guess we will never really know and I definitely don’t want to ask him about it. I would love for him to appear on a TV talk show and someone to upright confront him about the scandal. I would love to hear what he has to say about the matter.
1. Mickey Rourke
Some people may think this one is a little harsh, but I don’t. Mickey Rourke chose to drop a successful acting career for a shot at being a pro boxer. He spent a load of money messing up his face, which would normally be the end of most people’s careers. I mean, come on, he looked like an entirely different person! But no, he only went from strength to strength. He looked a little superhero-ish with his new animated look, and he appeared in films such as Iron Man 2 and The Expendables, earning him a number of awards. I don’t know how many times I had to say it, but when will celebs like this learn to leave their faces alone? It doesn’t matter how much money you spend or where you get it done, things can go wrong and it won’t always turn out the way you wanted. His look makes me cringe. His face, his clothes, just everything about it. Fair enough, I can overlook the fact that he decided to pursue his dream and take up wrestling, but paying that much money to have your face rearranged only for it to get beat up in a fight makes no sense to me whatsoever. He should have just called it quits when he could and we could of all remembered the Mickey Rourke who was at the top of his game.