Should toys be anatomically correct? Maybe yes, maybe no. Should a toy horse have a tiny, humanlike penis and balls? That’s a big nope. And if you think the question is only theoretical, I’ve got a toy horse to show you.
The horse first came to everyone’s attention when Bob Velcoro’s daughter got a collection of toy animals for Christmas. “The gorilla, lion, zebra, giraffe, pig, and sheep do not have dicks. Only the horse,” he wrote.
Only the horse, with its weird little man-sized dick and testicles, an affront to nature itself. Perhaps you could argue that the horse peepee is part of an effort to normalize animal anatomy in a culture that’s still weirdly puritan after all these years. But the consensus seems to be that there’s nothing normal about that equine wangdoodle.
Survey says: The dick is bad. Even extremely good musician Neko Case agrees. According to the Huffington Post, the toy is sold by a Canadian company called Battat. The company has yet to comment on why some of its animals have genitals, and why some of those genitals look unsettlingly human.
Good news for the horse, though: There’s a similar toy horse with a vagina out there, and she’s down to meet up.
Best of luck, you crazy kids.